No more Irish car bombs ever.
I fucked her while she was wearing her boyfriends dogtags. I'm officially a bad american
i can't decided whether the fact that her nipples are bigger then her palms is a problem or not
How are YOU going to look? Buying 40's on Christmas eve.
He screamed AMERICA, took a shot of vodka out of a Tupperware container, and then asked if he could see my tits
We're having Wednesday-night goat-night at the bar.
It's hard to explain...
I suppose we should both be prepared for the secret service to come visit us after this conversation. Hi NSA.
No. Nooooo. No way. She looked like Amanda Bynes. The recent one not the one from All That.
I have a terrible feeling that I made out with a fraternity last night
You ask too many questions when I'm blowing you. You're like a dentist asking how my day has been during a cleaning.
I had a spiritual reading tonight and my dead grandmother called me a whore.
Meeting up with one of your students at your drug dealers house is always an awkward moment
I still hate everything and everyone around me. Krampus taught me nothing.
we need to open a bar. a bar with... wait for it... A FUCKING BALL PIT.
LOL. Do you guys need a ride home?
No. we're home already. i just thought it was a brilliant fucking idea.
So if your sore it's because you tried to tackle a tree last night. When I told you at the party, you said "What do you expect, I'm an athlete!"
Randomize
