you were grabbing cocks left and right
you literally grabbed sam's dick and said, "who's cock is this?!"
woman puking in liquor store parking lot at 9:30 on a tuesday morning = best commute ever.
These people keep looking at me like I'm the first person to ever eat ribs in a Home Depot.
Just found a picture of a hobo making out with her tits...a HOBO
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My near death experience also doubled as my coming out story
they all just nodded
Why did you come into my room last night at 3am and pour monopoly money on me while you were crying?
I'm not making any promises. But if I start throwing food at you, just go with it.
Is shaving my mustache contingent on you sleeping over tonight?
You need to stop having girl talk with the guys I'm sleeping with.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was laying there trying to sleep and then he sat up, took out his dick, and put it on my shoulder. It wasn't even hard- it was just casually perched.
I reek of latex and grilled onions.
Mission accomplished.
Just made a floating bacon boat for the hot tub. This is what America is all about.
My mom and sister were over. When my drunk roommate came home, he yelled "GOT BITCHES IN MY CONDO"
Do you want to go soon I'm overthinking life and my butthole again
You made noises. And kept meowing. I have a twenty minute phone call to prove it.
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