Well the candle wax mightve been sexy if he didn't drop the candle and light half my bed on fire
His shirt was in the kitchen sink this morning, I'm pretty sure my roommates know.
You lit the bowl with a rolled up paper towel that you ignited on the stove.
Definitely need to find a less healthy bootycalls. All this bitch got in her fridge is feta, English muffins and wheat grass. What the fuck can I make with that???
Found 2 Coors, problem solved.
he was inside of, then got up said "we don't want you having a baby," grabbed his car keys and left. so now i'm just sitting on his bed, wondering if he's coming back.
The door opens out but somehow she managed to kick it in..
it went ok. then he slept in a parking lot and took me out for a picnic the next day. boys are confusing.
You okay?
I walked into work with a banana and a loaf of bread
My wife just tried to justify to me why she wants to bring a girl into bed with us. I should win an academy award for my face and response of 'well of its what you need.'
Our relationship needs a sober moment
I'll call you when that happens
I think the best part was the fact that the stripper's lock screen was a picture of the virgin mary
I guess I was blacked out I hopped a fence and hugged a cow that night.
He drives a tundra! Of course I fucked him. Im just saying eventually im going to need help moving and he has a nice truck. Its like thank you for later on
He was doing dishes, naked. I dropped to my knees and gave him head. Teamwork level- pro..
I'm listening to a women in metal station and wearing a flannel. I may have approached peak lesbian.
Randomize
