Don't bone anyone, just think of ur vibrator lol
HHaaaaaaaaa mmmmn vibrator
It says i should accept HIV aids as my friend on facebook.We have 12 friends in common. I need new friends.
i'm glad we're now at the level of friendship where we can comfortably discuss the quality of our shit
its barely noon and he already threw up and i have second degree burn
I have got to stop getting laid on my lunch breaks. I AM SO HUNGRY RIGHT NOW.
The whiskey is fighting the tequila on who wants to be the one who end my night first.
Does hooking up with the gay pledge count as hazing?
I just got my beard fondled by a drunk chick outside the venue. I feel slightly violated. And I think her boyfriend wanted to fight me.
I was watching porn and wanted to change the tab to another video to cum but I clicked the wrong tab and it was a gif of a dog but I was coming and couldn't do anything so did I jill off to a dog? I feel like I should be guilty
You don't know weird until you've had a musical wet dream about your older brother.
He's standing in the corner rubbing his nipples and reflecting on poor life choices
God I love dating single dads. They've got their shit at least a little bit together and there's always snacks after sex. #nakedfruitrollups
I don't get it. If he broke into Taco Bell at 2 am, then why couldn't he have brought me home a fucking taco???
I'm just letting you know right now in advance that if I die or go to the hospital or end up in jail tonight it's because your kid sold me mushrooms.
she said she was so hungover this morning in a way that sounded like she was apologizing for thinking she was attracted to me last night...
Randomize
