thanks...oh and i got my period
told you
oh hush
This is clearly one of those "A hole's a hole" situations
Im still in bed and cant move and i only had Two beers and a shot last night... how did I make it in college?
God gave us a 4 year grace period.
I hope that he knows just because i pissed in his bed doesn't mean were together.
Well Im currently dressed up as batman raiding frat houses for booze
I made out with all three roommates...I didnt realize that was actually an awkward situation.
So that'd what fifty dollars of chicken at 7/11 looks like. Made it to work on time. Puked twice. BOOM.
I refuse to have sex with you and your eBay condoms.
I'm chatting with a girl missing a front tooth. I find it quite distracting. I'm sure you have deduced what bar I'm drinking in on this monday night.
So that 100 days of sobriety thing I told you about last week? Lasted all of 4 days. Fuck it, life's too short
I mean I want to be happy but it's a train wreck that you can't look away from
I just found a contact in my phone named "Sam 'it Won't Fit' Wilson". No clue when or where it came from....
You can't die you're my only democrat family member
I'll be wearing lingerie and holding a bottle of bourbon so pick up whatever food you think goes with that
You can't say that. Only if you have peed on the side of the highway in daylight while signing Christmas songs can you say that.
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