I cant remeber how long i've been laying here...it could be 10 minutes to a fucking day
pray for me tomorrow cause I have a midterm that I've mostly studied for by watching Bill Nye episodes on the subject...
so he was shitfaced and kept using sticky notes to label everything like "beer spill" and "going to fuck later"
So Delta doesn't take cash. I used my card to buy a drink and asked the attendant if she could leave it open.
Broke up w/ my married coworker...work is gonna get weird.
i remember you telling me to take a shower, brush my teeth, go get back in bed w her, and "just do what i was born to do." and as soon as i stopped yacking i did just that. you saved my birthday.
I forgot not everyone drinks wine out of the bottle. My grandma just asked if i needed a glass with a disappointing look.
I have no words
Neither did my mom, when she walked in on me squating with my balls in a cup of hot water.
He told me that if I were a guy he'd go gay for me. Honestly don't know how to take that.
Dear god how many nuts did u bust in me my vagina feels like a bowl of jello.
Poking every semi-decent guy on Facebook in the hopes that one of them will want to hook up with me tonight. So far all i've accomplished is 5 new poke wars which i will most certainly continue after this weekend.
I don't want a mention or even a whisper of a Shakespeare Festival by that or any other name including, but not limited to, a fucking Renaissance Fair. Are we clear? It will be a DEALBREAKER .
dude...i punched my best friend in the face, broke up with my girlfriend, and shit my pants.......now i don't know which one to take care of first.
THANKS BE TO BLACK BABY JESUS IN HIS LITTLE GOLDEN DIAPER FOR BLESSING ME WITH NOT PREGNANT
Don't mind me, I'm just walking 2 miles across campus with no jacket, covered in highlighter, and carrying a hair extension. Gotta love miami!
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