How do I get over judging people who I would be exactly like if I had a boyfriend
Get a boyfriend
If your still trying to figure out the moment I stopped caring; it was the point in which you said "I really wasn't sure whose baby it was"
Roller skating + drunkeness + peeing = mess
She has an album entitled "my photography", which consists of about 80 different pictures of a tractor that she took on her cell phone. I'm all for freedom of expression, but come on.
Puking in one of the stalls, a guy ran in and started puking in the other stall... In between heaves we told each other our names; i found out that it was my old best friend that moved away in the 8th grade
My face is tingly. And my legs are being massaged by golden elves.
But you have work tomorrow. And a whore to pick up. And a dinner to eat. And a vagina to slaughter. Your day is full!
I appreciate the concept of vaginal slaughtering.
Having a midget officiate your wedding because you think it'd be hilarious: good idea or potential lawsuit?
Would it kill us to punctuate. That last text took me 5 min to read
I just did the math technically I'll be drunk until 2:30-3:00pm
Goddamn right, I may not survive the apocalypse, but my eyebrows fucking will.
I just compared my relationship to that double ended dong scene from Requiem. This day just took a turn.
My neck is sore from all the headbanging. And I can't tell the difference between the jello stains and cum stains.
I fucked her on her ex's Yankee sheets while she was wearing an Ortiz jersey...of course she gets to meet my mother
I wasn’t trying, but work got a lot easier and more fun once he starred flirting with me and looking at my ass
Randomize
