Cant decide who was more of a mess the morning after... me when i passed out in the bathroom stall or you when you sprayed yourself down with hairspray thinking it was sunblock
I just puked in my fish tank. Helloooooo summer.
Well no need to be a stranger, even if you aren't interested in joining my bisexual polygamist marriage. New city, new friends.
Now he's trying to use the tornado warnings as an excuse to get head. Yeah, b/c THAT'S the last taste I want in my mouth b4 I die...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm gonna go out on a limb and say it had something to do with pool sex.
I came so hard just now that I think I may have regenerated.
You're like my zumba instructor for alcoholism right now
Sushi was just eaten off my naked body. I feel like I can die in peace now.
Just responding to the most professional request I've ever gotten to get shitfaced.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I love you man but my hope is that you will not wake me up again by pissing on me
Sorry if that was awkward, i will never call you sober ever again
Do you remember coming over and asking for toast and then singing that yeah toast song very loudly while you were dropping my bread all over my kitchen?
You know what...ii have the turtles...were together....i love these god damn turtles...
I was drunk in the shower and i decided to shave. Im now bleeding to death
I will literally have glitter in my crotch for weeks.
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