dude wtf did we explode in my microwave last night?
idk but i think it had a face
I wanna eat
then frost
then eat your cupcake
Hungover. Be in at noonish. Turn my monitor on and put a hot cup of coffee on my desk so the boss thinks I'm in
Call me at 7:30 and make sure I'm not asleep in this booth at Waffle House.
I've only been here for an hour and I've already made 6 babies cry.
Happy Birthday
I just saw on the news, this guy tried to smuggle coke in a bouquet of roses... and to think I used to hate valentines day.
I'm gonna laugh so hard when we're both married with families
That statement alone makes me laugh so hard.
i have a "get your shit together" dinner with my parents tonight. After that ill be down to party
you cant keep talent like that locked up in a relationship
Smoked a joint and chugged some pepto. Feeling a lil better... Not sure which is working..... Gonna keep doing both.....
we're stoned watching those roller coaster simulators w our hands up screaming on our couch
I'm watching my cat lick a used condom wrapper on my nightstand and I'm too hungover to move and do anything about it. Tequila Tuesdays can not be a thing.
I came over to get dick...not to watch you vacuum....at 2 AM
The modern romantic, surprising his gf w/ a gram of blow
So her ex boyfriend came up a lot in conversation while I was fucking her. Is that weird?
Who the fuck has a conversation during sex?
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