Someone will be leaving this trip either pregnant or devastated.
Eating alone in the dark with one candle. This is sorta sad.
Going to pass out with da shoes on. hugging wallstreet journal from tuesday. please check me for liveliness in the morning.
maybe it wasnt such a good idea to pregame our lease signing...
2am update: i think I'm in Mexico but I found a dennys. Everyone but this cute family of 4 is speaking Spanish. Cute family of 4 is helping me out.
he said he would handcuff me to his penis. thats not even possible. i want to go home.
Was I shouting at a fire engine last Friday?
So did u puke in his bathroom or all over his Olympic medals? Please say medals...
If I ever mention marriage force me to Brazil to do coke and strippers until I die.
do you think its obvious that we spent all afternoon playing naked body oil twister?
If I give you a key to my place you have to promise to one day wake me up with a blowjob.
And by one day I mean once every two weeks.
I was changing in front of my window and my neighbor text me saying, "nice pubes."
Sorry man, but I'd rather do drugs with strangers than watch sports with you. It's not personal, drugs always beat sports.
Well we went from the roof to the stairwell to an air mattres. One day were going to fuck in a bed
Okay, let's just all take a step back and think about how funny this will seem in like a year... Maybe 2 if his nose is actually broken.
Randomize
