no weekend plans? you're practically married
just without the last name or joint bank account
i'd advise against both
Once again you get dinner and all I get is semen on my leg
It was awkward until we both realized our obsessions with harry potter and sangrias were the same. Now were in love.
You need tk get a life and stop texting me about fictional characters. I don't give a shit.
She wouldn't stop saying her own name. Like a damn pokemon.
chatroulette drinking game turned into a foursome.
I wish we could tell the moving van to wait at the strip club for a while.
And the best part is I don't remember putting the condom in my pocket! Angels officially exist
For months it was all good and well just having sex. Now, something in me has snapped and I'm dreaming of taking turtleneck Christmas pictures with him. Fuck you, we're going out tonight. I need this.
I just had the weirdest moment. Made eye contact at the bar with a girl who has seen my vagina.
I don't care how great the sex was, I cannot unsee what has been seen. I regret ever stalking his Facebook.
It was like a square peg in a round hole... I've never seen one shaped like a stick of butter...
Everytime I get drunk I wake up hugging the bag of bagels from three months ago
then he told me my boobs feel like "if you put mushroom soup in a baggie." I don't know how I'm supposed to feel about this.
She was hammered and showed her gay best mate a pic of my cock, his response was "I fucked the wrong brother"
On a side note apparently my brother is gay
Good news!! I can adult!! 😂 turning down the strip club on a weeknight has become my crowning achievement ðŸ˜ðŸ˜‚
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