You and i never got to the, we dont care what we look like friend-stage. you know? like not brushing your teeth stage.
sorry im really high
so I called to to smoke and you didn't pick up so I smoked and now I'm a race car
his cum shot went directly into his bellybutton. felt like i was playin ski ball
those are the first brownies ive had since i was 13 that didnt have weed in them.
What do you mean when you say no pre-party sex?
you described his penis as a "portable fishing pole"
I just tried to eat one of my ear plugs, thinking it was a cheese curl. I need it to be break RIGHT NOW.
The fact that I'm going to be living with you is starting to make me worry about my heatlh.
Ya that ship has sailed dude
I was just laughing and almost crying after I orgasmed, and then almost crying because I was laughing so hard. That's new.
Does he think you're psycho?
Officially...... yes.
My high school reunion is Thursday so I need to find an outfit that says "Haha, you got fat and I got tits. Suck it, bitches."
I lowered my expectations when he started off saying "ah missionary, my specialty"
Im so drunk and the cops showed up so i ran on all 4's through the woods because i had no shoes hoping they would mistake me for a fox
Fun fact: You might be drunk if your vision is so blurry that you almost ask "do you know where my glasses are?" while you're wearing them.
there is another microwave in the elevator.
Pretty sure I just pissed straight whiskey...
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