yeah, i liked him til i heard he had a sac that could apparently smother my face.
she burped and cried multiple times. it was like i was getting head from a baby.
hotel security told us you walked into the hotel with blood all over your dress, weren't wearing any underwear and were escorted back by three men who were believed to be "homosexuals".
Someone was asleep on the couch next to us and woke up. We paused and he yelled "gentlemen, behold! Sex!"
Just to warn you I probably wont be able to do anything that involves standing up
I just want to be naked all the time but not in a sexual, come-hither and look at my ass sort of way. In a slightly chubby yet not ashamed way as I eat Taco Bell and lay on soft fuzzy blankets.
Making a me burrito to ward off the cold...and the aloneness of my vagina
OMG THE KID WHO TRIED TO MAKE OUT AT THE BAR WITH ME IS SITTIG NEXT TO ME IN THE AIRPORT. WHY LIFE WHY???
It's 3 in the morning and there is a bird chirping it's head off outside. GOD DAMNIT THIS IS NOT A TIME TO SING OF YOUR CHEERFUL BIRD MERRIMENT YOU STUPID BIRD CUNT!
Everyone called me "Barf Vader".. And I lost your lightsaber.
The bachelor party was supposed to stay local but I think were in mexico.
Do I get bonus points if I get lockjaw after a cosmic blowjob?
Jello shots? I thought you weren't drinking tonight.
Im not drinking im slurping
Our love of vodka is more proof than a maternity test
I would but he’s not speaking to me because I put ketchup in his socks.
Randomize
