I told her I would melt her with my mustache. Needless to say, he pants were soon off.
We're going on a mission for new porn. And ice cream.
It's all fun and games until the last slice of pizza gets bong water spilled on it.
I just threw up a christmastime peep. I am literally already sick of the holidays.
not saying it was a bad idea to throw an impromptu party but someone stole the microwave
He looked like he was trying to woo a lady version of himself by playing goblin music on his guitar.
Welp, I can cross "making out with a guy in a dress" off my bucket list...
I found out he put two potatoes in a jar because he wants to make his own vodka.
I cannot be with a girl who won't let me come home on my lunch break, eat spicy ranch and watch Breaking Bad without pants on. #lesbianproblems
It wasn't a mystery that it was the pizza cooking in the oven when we stumbled out of the bedroom in a smoke filled apartment at 2am. We are dangerous drunks
there is something very satisfying about getting tacos after hours of sex.
He totally sucks at sexting. He sent me a clothed shot of his ass captioned "I know this gets you going." What?
DO NOT FUCK YOUR ENGAGED GAY NEIGHBOR!
I ripped my favorite bra in half last night while I was undressing in a drunken rage.
What was the rage all about?
He wouldn't stop to let me get McDonald's french fries.
Or is it distressingly heterosexual?
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