she's about as cool as a sandpaper handjob.
He went through and tagged himself on my crotch in all of my facebook pics
I'm going to take the bottles back.. And maybe get an x-ray
I think i just got paid for sex with a hot pocket... and i accepted
I know I hit you with my car but people express love in different ways. Everyone is different.
It was like she tried to cover up all the weight she gained with a fake tan...
He's eating a cream cheese sandwich. He's obviously distressed.
We welcome drunken adversity.
With open legs.
I'm sitting at home, day drinking, while watching crossroads with brittany spears. I'm not the person you should be asking for advice right now.
They can be so fun, drunk bruises are like clues to the treasure of what actually happened last night. "why do I have a bruise on my belly button? oh right. i was trying to turn my stomach off so I would stop throwing up."
I know how to make vodka btw in case you want to come over and do a science project
So I get to my parents and walk in the door so my mom knows I'm safe and alive and my grandpa looks at me and says "were you being someone's bitch". And I about died of laughter
Wow, he seems so solid
You went to a drug deal in a onesie.
I met a guy last night who bought me a book on Amazon at the bar and then we had sex. Boners for books is a thing. Boom.
Is it disrespectful or patriotic to pole dance on an american flag pole?
Randomize
