so the situation is a+b=c where "a" is how much you weight, "b" is my gravitational pull, and "c" is how erect your penis is.
I knew I had to get an abortion when his toddler sister came up to hug my leg and I kicked her off saying, "Get off, fucker."
Good luck! Who knows he might be a stallion in the bedroom! or it could be like having sex with a crayon.
Standing in line for a prescreening of Alice in Wonderland - guy just passed out cold in front of us - first drug overdose of the Alice in Wonderland phenomenon witnessed.
You brought out the iron board layed it on the ground in the middle of everyone and passed out for the night
if tampons were more like dildos the world would be a better place
how do you say happy birthday to the guy that almost got you pregnant? i cant just write the same thing as last year.
The walk of shame out of a freshman dorm isn't so bad when you're 25, nobody questions you because they think youre gonna bust them for having weed
I have a new game. It's called "how weird can you act before a guy won't fuck you". I've deducted most guys are willing even if you're batshit insane.
Should I tell this TSA agent his fly is down while he is trying to hit on this chick?
All I got was pictures of my boss and dicks. So, that was the end of snapchat.
Your vagina is not a steamboat from the 1800's
Somewhere on my work laptop I have a map visualizing all the area codes that Ludacris has ho's
I hope that wasn't done on billed time
I can guarantee that it was
Dont worry, the Canadians are more afraid of you then you are of them.
Btw I definitely had pizza sauce on my face, a painful hickey on my neck, and I just remember screaming SISTER WIVES because of the girl's 1997 jean skirt! Wow.
Randomize
