I think all I remember saying is, "I love Chris Berman's voice" and then I passed out
He leaned in to kiss me and I dodged him but i fell on the floor. I guess I never got up cuz I woke up on the floor and he was in his bed
A beer fell out of the case, hit the ground and started spraying. He's a pro. He grabbed it and shotgunned it while still holding the case.
I brought him to this party even though we're not together anymore because we made a bet on who would have sex first, and it is a sausage fest up in here.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The cops just showed up and arrested her. It's our 2nd date. Do I have to hang out her with her 3 kids until she makes bail or can I leave?
I feel like the only phrases I can clearly speak while drunk consist of: i'm fucking drunk, chug, and shots
This is the fourth day in a row I've walked outside in the same pajamas. I think the neighbors have finally given up on judging me.
we got kicked out of her coke dealer's house when we wouldn't stop quoting "a league of their own"
communist
I'm pathetic. I'm eating cream puffs in the bath and crying a little.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I've fucked him twice and literally had no idea that he's missing a thumb
I am 95% sure I just heard my cat say "What are you doing home? It's Saturday night."
Also your Swedish friend who's name I don't remember is really good in bed.
*Norwegian
I was sprawled on his bed and heard him and a girl walk in the apartment. I jumped out the window and am walking down main street wrapped in an american flag blanket. Can you pick me up?
I want to create a human. Discussion later.
you know you're sexually deprived when you're holding a warm taquito in your hand and your vagina starts to tingle
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