They totally botched my boob job. My tits look like they're are winking.
I can't go out tonight I need to save my money for important things.....like rogaine and ecstasy.
just threw up into the cup of Gatorade I was hoping would settle my stomach. thanks again, alcohol.
taking shots each time the weatherman says Dont go out in this blizzard
we took turns throwing up in the kitchen sink last night...no i am not doing the dishes
please stop judging me for buying a handle of soco on a thursday at 10am. it was on sale, i'm thinking of my future.
Strike three, the fat brides maid they call shit puker also has herpes.
He told me to come in and have some water before I drove home, my vagina didn't stand a chance escaping. We didn't even make it to the kitchen.
You know it's last call at a gay bar when the guys at the urinal are just jacking off in front of each other. Most awkward pissing moment of my life.
you know you've had too much sex when your vagina hurts when you laugh
My vagina loves me do-dah do-dah my vagina loves me do-dah do-dah
I picture you throwing your vagina around in the same fashion that they pass out candy at a parade.
It was like something out of a fucked up fairy tale. He just crowdsurfed over to her while riding a keg, said "come sail with me", and then the crowd carried them off into the night. What.
But you put your finger in my ass and the rest is history
When the stripper from this weekend is your cashier at Publix the next day 😐💀#pensacolaproblems
I just showered and shaved both ankles and one knee because that's the skin that's exposed in the jeans I'm wearing today. Please tell me I'm not the only one who does that.
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