At the airport and im So hungover. Think anyone will help if I put a note on me reading "flying to Boston, please wake me as we board" and then passing back out?
We need to stop sleeping with people based on which NFL team they like.
Do your friends by chance have our inflatable deer head?
Nevermind, it's in the dryer.
She gave me a foot massage while her friend rode me. Your gf puked into the oscolating fan. How were our nites alike?
We were eating hotdog buns dipped in French onion dip in lawn chairs at 4am. That drunk
Just explain how I got from the bar to a house I've never been in, waking up to a cop in uniform ripping a bong
after she rolled over and said 'i'm so glad you're like my gay best friend, love you' then left. did i just get friendzoned AFTER sex??
Just remember, if we get caught, you're deaf and I don't speak English.
I am thankful for thumbs.
Because without thumbs, we would be dolphins.
Land dolphins.
I should probably drink beer instead of rum today so I don't end up naked in my living room while I still have guest.
I asked my mom if she could pick up something for me to drink since we ran out of orange juice and she goes "We have beer, champagne, and baileys. Drink one of those."
In my top drawer right now, there are see's chocolates, condoms, weed, and my vibrator. One way or another, this is going to be a good night
he said "I would have fucked you in the chipotle bathroom" and I can't get over how awesome that would've been
I actually talked to his parents last night about it. haha. I had a bottle of smirnoff in my hand, I'm sure they took me serious.
uh why is my bathtub filled with kool aid? or is that blood?
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