She was drunk and kept trying to talk while I was in her mouth. It sounded like the teacher from a Charlie Brown cartoon!
Turns out "bordello" doesn't mean what I thought it did.
you're like the Neil Armstrong of terrible hookups, you are a pioneer
I'll hook up with guys I don't even like, as long as they leave early enough the next day.
i just feel like it would be irresponsible for you to not have sex with me again.
My vagina agrees.
This creepy guy was following me and i hid in the bushes. i could say i was high as an excuse but honestly it was straight up fun.
We weren't even through customs yet, and we got offered weed. You would love Jamaica.
I'm beginning to worry that I seem to get along best with people when I'm naked with them.
The site I use to study flash cards keeps showing ads for truck companies hiring drivers. It's like the site is saying "hey, we all know there's no hope for you, just give up and Become a truck driver."
My fall semester strategy is to submit my papers with a nude selfie
You've got post-grad studies written all over you
Like I owe him sex. Hell fucking no. I owe myself sex. With a celebrity. Or a clean pornstar. Who knows.
Keep in mind this was 2012... YOLO was a very new concept.
I masterbated poison ivy onto my penis, it hasn't been this upset with me since the Take one for the team fiasco of 02.
He somehow obtained a megaphone and managed to scare away the out-of-control house party—the house party that HE started, by the way— by pretending to be the police.
you were trying to drink the laundry detergent and yelling blue drankkkkk
Randomize
