Woke up in an unfamiliar basement in a sleeping bag with Matt to a police officer shining his flashlight in my eyes and asking me my birth date and social security number. My morning went swimmingly.
its like whenever the snow comes all the hott girls drop out of school. where are they
dude, when you're random girl from last night came down the stairs this morning she fell all the way down. I laughed. She just walked out. I hope shes ok. Tell her I give her a 10 for that landing though.
So, do you know where my left shoe is? I mean, we were at a few places last night, and I called them. No luck for me.
she used her one phone call to ask me about my day
I haven't seen any of my friends sober in months. We have classes together.
i need to buy one of the child leashes to wear at mardi gras or else im never making it out alive
I'd like to introduce you to my friend, Moderation. Enjoy each other's company this weekend.
Your friend and I already don't get along
I don't think it's considwred fine dining when you're passing out at golden palace in chinatown at 4 am with you boss who happens to be wearing a dress.
I guess I realized I had a problem when I ordered 4 shots and told the bar wench to pour them all into 1 glass
I just wish I had a snapshot of his attempted front flip off the bar. There are some things that are worth getting a life ban for, and the moment of impact with his foot and that lady's face was one of those things.
Let's just says his mouth writes a lot of checks that his penis just can't cash. Don't waste your time.
He came to my Harry Potter marathon wearing a Hogwarts uniform. Of course I fucked him.
not only did he puke in his mouth and hold it.. He also sneezed while doing this
I have bruises everywhere an I broke the lamp. So ya I'd considerate rough sex.
Randomize
