made out with the bouncer to distract him from how illegitimate my fake id is.
seriously this is one of those moments where im glad i dont really talk to or know the people i sleep with
Well said.
then my best friend's brother, boyfriend, and future bro in law showed up at the bar. they asked who i was there with. didn't know if "a 40 year old man" or "my 5th grade teacher" was better answer.
I just heard these 2 kids from flint and Detroit arguing over whose economy is worse... It's really sad what passes for competition in Michigan these days
he was screaming in a recently acquired accent that he paid for delivery and they could cancel the entire order if they didn't come upstairs
I thought you said it was going to get worse not hilarious.
the delivery boy turned out to be my students mother. now she knows that i have incredibly low standards AND thanks to the fact that he still has dialup the pizza tracker was way off and she rang the bell and he answered mid bong rip.
I am growing concerned with the number of people here in cowboy hats
Ok just don't go to jail. I saw your account balance. It can't take that.
Just got invited out of group to take shots after hearing her gay friend say "why would I give him my alcohol so you can suck his dick. It's going to be a good night
We were dancing and she was clawing my stomach like a fat kid getting to a half broken pinata.
Seriously, I'm making a calendar and marking off the days with little penis's
The weed is temporarily burning the grammar section of my brain library.
I sold him an eighth while trippin balls wearin my girlfriends tutu and tube top. and i was talking about albinos the entire time
well, he defiantly picked the right guy to buy drugs from
Tell me again your tentative move date. There are 5 Russians in my apartment on ecstasy and they are having a rave in my living room. I can't. I need to move stat
Its official, if she bites your dick through your jeans, ya'll go together. A lesson you shouldn't have to learn after the fact.
I just gate-crahed a party and met a state senator, so I had an interesting afternoon jog.
Randomize