If a girl drunk dials you she's at least entertained the idea of sleeping w/ you correct?
YES
So ps i'm not pregnant with any athletes illegitimate children : )
i just turned the eviction notice into a beer pong list
I have taken lazynest to a new level. I took a picture of the notes on the board instead of writing them. I win.
Google Chrome's "top 8 most visited sites" page has become my motivation to stop masturbating
i just burped and it tasted like condom. please tell me i wasn't lame and made that guy wear one for a bj last night.
Doing lines of cocaine in the bathroom and the word 'better' do not belong in the same sentence.
We broke into the space center. If i go to jail I wanted to tell you, you have a fantastic dick. Use it wisely.
Kegstand on crutches, you need to get on my level.
I love how when they see that I'm upset their initial response is to offer me ecstasy
i rearranged my furniture so i could masturbate in the sun. how's that for spring cleaning?
Let's get drunk and take out your tonsils tonight
I just put condoms in a mason jar because it looked prettier than the box.I think I've peaked.
Remember when you brought a guy home from the bar... to our parents house.... on thanksgiving eve?
i was so blazed last night that i kept imagining a talking eagle sitting next to me encouraging me to smoke more... i listened to it.
Randomize
