I have the sudden urge to buy a Snuggie and wear it to the grocery store.
I'm drive I can fine osifer
I drank almost a whole fifth last night. Woke up with blood everywhere wearing a "stereotype this" tshirt. How fitting
I asked her if she wanted to make this a permanent exclusive thing instead of a fuck buddy thing, and she just looked at me like I'm an idiot.
That's because you are an idiot.
We literally played a game called pass the child which consisted of us shitfaced tossing the 5 year old birthday boy at each other
Gees I domt know what your deal was. You kept looking at Nick and shaking your head frantically and doing a weird motion with your hands
Tgat was the small dick alert
So I think before Superbowl weekend begins we should all take a look back on last year and learn from our pitfalls... AKA no touchdown shots and kitchen crying.
Your CAR. Is in a LAKE. I'd say "a big mess" is a pretty conservative description of the situation.
There is a special place in Hell for whichever one of you put Ben Gay on my dildo. It was a very uncomfortable April 1.
I've made out with more people in 2014 than I did the whole fall semester
IF I CANT STRIP TO SANTA BABY THEN WHY EVEN HAVE CHRISTMAS.
Omg this place. I'm at a neighborhood party. My mom has kissed two other moms. Where am I
He told me I was a good dog mom. I've never been so turned on in my life
Definitely went down on him last night while he was wearing a cape. He randomly kept swirling it around me and "revealing me" in the mirror like a magic trick. I'm not even a little upset, it's fun fucking younger guys.
Did anyone see us fucking last night on the giant turtle outside downtown Disney?
Randomize
