I fell asleep on the toilet again last night...
It's weekends like this that make it obvious why we have to pay to come to college.
You don't understand how difficult it is to give head with cotton mouth
what's the name of the guy at the bank you blew to get the lower interest rate?
um. wrong number, but good luck with your loan
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She came to the party dressed as slutty elmo and then called me oscar the grouch for not wanting to bang her in the dumpster outside.
she is way to in-touch with her childhood
Throwing up out both ends. This is not how I pictured adulthood.
Just got escorted to my 7:45 class by an old woman because I was too hungover to not realize I was four floors too high.
I call BS on that! THAT WAS TOTALLY AN INTERCEPTION. JENNINGS HAD THAT.
PEOPLE ARE FLIPPING FURNITURE HERE. IN THE ROOM ABOVE ME. I HEARD SOMEONE WOOKIE CALL IN ANGER FROM SOMEWHERE IN THIS BUILDING.
I'd be lying if I said I wasn't scared, even a little.
I would have cried, probably tears of wine, but cried nonetheless.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
In the 2nd smartest move of my day your ringtone for when you call is now the Space Jam theme.
Nothing says "back to school" like walking in the first day with a hangover
I got with him in my watermelon costume so ya you owe me $1
Red Alert: She has 3 cats, a parrot, and 2 rats. Initiate Protocol Zero and rendezvous at Checkpoint Bravo for debriefing
I wasn't supposed to sleep w him. So of course I sent him gps location to my bed.
Panties = found
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