My grandpa is talking about laundry and he asked if i could run a "small hot load." Wow. I had to leave the room.
who knew "i drink your milkshake" would work as a pickup line
Put your dick on his face to wake him up, dont worry its fine.
aaaannd alcoholism beats pride. it's like grown-up rock, paper, scissors
Is there anything medically wrong with drinking beer from a vagina?
How did the beer even get there in the first place?
That's not what's important right now
If I come over right now will you promise to distract your grandpa in the morning so I don't have to do the walk if shame with 1940's style judgement?
I think a 5 ft pyramid of jello shots in honor of the egyptians is in order
I felt that there wouldn't be enough planB and forgiveness to go around
I just picked up a hitchhiker so karma will be on our side this weekend. Hahahahahaha
No.
some people waaaaait a lifetime for a hookuppp like this some people seeeearch forever for that one special handjobbb
Condoms and Ice Cream, that's all we need.
I just got a robo call from the Addiction Help Line. Not sure how to take that.
Do you remember last night?
Just that I fell down a hill with my penis out and the emt talked to me.
He's a freak. Not like "freak in the bed" freak but like "eats glue in the weekends" freak.
Pandemic Silver Lining: cheap hotel rates makes it easier to have afternoon fun with my side dick
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