Does my surprise involve the use of a safe word?
Probably.
I'm in.
My carpet still smells like piss and I THINK YOU KNOW WHY.
Busta Rhymes just yelled at me! He cut a song off and I was clapping and he looked right at me and said "don't fucking clap." I was that white guy.
you came back at 4am in a suit jacket and a half eaten burrito...
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He did a line, told me my hair looked pretty against the background of the clouds, and then we fucked. Good afternoon
From the trajectory of the puke, I must have fallen off the top bunk while trying to vomit, due to the dented bucket, ruined carpet, and bruised dignity I now own.
Well yes but because of that incident i now salute to truck drivers
What's that word that means bigger and smaller and bigger and smaller, again?
Goddamn it, Jaime, it's 4am. Throbbing. The word is throbbing.
Food lion is just a portal. Cheetos are the goal. Its like not banging a super hot chick cause she is french. She still has the same parts just from a different box.
Now I am going to fly my toy helicopter in the dark.
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What's up with the fire hydrant in the laundry room?
Swear to god our friendship has its limits. Stop peeing on the fucking refrigerator.
Got head last night. Had the 3D glasses on the whole time.
Sorry I punched you in the throat. You got in my way. You understand.
I love you with the passion of a thousand FUCKBOYS during the height of week 1 texting
woke up with 4 bruises, 2 hickies and a bad case of rug burn. texans are dangerous.
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