dude you need to get laid
no, the other guy who hasn't been laid in 7 months
oh I thought you were talkin about me
My butt just had a miscarriage. It was yours. I'm sorry. You would have been a great sexually confused parent.
Hey! Thanks for asking, but it didnt go well. He threw up in the car on the way to dinner. Blind dates arent for everyone.
so, is "hi, did i take your virginity six years ago and never call afterwards?" an appropriate greeting in a bar?
i wish there was a photo editing effect that fully opened my drunk eyes
And dont forget my 23rd birthday where with no underwear i crawled through the cage of the police car. Dont get drunk be fore you get drunk.
At some point I'd like to figure out how the weird kid from sociology ended up on my couch naked hugging what appears to be some sort of clothing....seriously it's creeping me out
So im guessing you dont remember the walk home, where you layed down in the alley and began to sing "threes company too" and when i told you to get up you had the nerve to tell me i was to drunk.
So some sort of safe sex group just flash mobbed the bar by putting condoms over people's beers.
They left screaming as a hale of lubbed up condoms rained into their hair.
Her family was right next to mine during christmas eve mass. Between the terrifying glares and her trying to set my sleeve on fire during the candle part I am VERY sure she knows im fucking her ex...
first time i ever mailed panties back to a fuck buddy. what better of a way to say its over
Do you have any puffy paint? I want to put "fiesta muthafuckas" on my sombrero but its too much to bedazzle.
She pretty much spent NYE measuring dicks, trying to decide which one to take home.
Pretty sure I was impersonating Rihanna when I kept asking him what my name was while we were making out
and yet oddly the jello shots tasted better coming up than going down