Britney fell asleep on the couch in the foier, got up stripped then pissed on the floor. Then got dressed and went to sleep in it. Also downstairs toilet clogged. Not me. I will be gone by the time you get home from work. Have fun.
clay aiken is like melissa ehteridge without the guitar.
I feel like dying is the new "adopt an african baby"
Well, you're either very drunk or very high but I'll let it slide because I love any type of conversation concerning cheese.
17 Inappropriate Things People Did With Instruments
I'm sitting on the patient chair, waiting for my vagina to be violated & "i don't want to miss a thing" has been playing on repeat. WHY IS THIS HAPPENING TO ME.
You were high and telling me you felt like Pinocchio and that fire was bad for wood.
I found this letter on my leg this morning "dear sober self- we are one body now. It's weird but get used to it because it already happened" who the fuck is lionman?
Sober me is really good at getting to the airport on time. Drunk me is really good at shitting my pants. Do you know how much pants cost at the airport????
My pussy is making all kinds of justifications that my mind would have no patience for if it was still in charge
21 People Reveal The Most Embarrassing Secrets They Know About Someone
The last thing I remember was doing a line in the shape of Texas
Remember that time we got drunk tomorrow
Girl I love you like I've been drinking all day
I am an advanced cybernetic robot sent back in time to 2013 to fuck my wife senseless for hours on end. Have you seen this wife?
Eddy, if you don't want to roll play then say so. This is just obnoxious
I'm watching Pretty Woman alone and weaving a basket for Fiona. This is my life.
Doing blow in the bathroom isnt the same without you
Do a rail off the baby station in my honor