Is showing up wearing the condom a bit presumptus
you spent the like half the night trying to figure out the puzzles on the back of the captn crunch box
remember the used condom we threw behind my bed? my mom found it and is accusing me and making a big deal out of it,
Haha! You pissed me off, so I actually told her to go look behind your bed. Good thing I moved to Nevada, so your dad can't kick my ass. Good luck bitch.
She said, and I quote "how do you run with something that big between your legs".
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You realize at the bar last night we blew on imaginary whistles like rose from titanic right?
she was drinking until 3, woke up at 7, shouted 'I'M STILL DRUNK" and went out for a jog in her thong
There is a large, jolly black gentleman in the parking lot of my appartment complex yelling about 5am jelly doughnuts. I want to be where he's at.
TAKE ALL THE MAERHMALLOWS AND PUT THEM ALL IN THE MAGICAL NIGHTSTAND
We had fun with our Indiana Jones role-playing until I whipped myself in the dick with my belt.
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seis de mayo is my least favoite holiday because i usually spend it in bed sobbing over my poor life decisions from the night before.
I didnt say frisky time, just alone time, to chat, or watch a show, or stare into one anothers eyes, or souls, or asses, whatever you straight people do
Why is there a water bottle full of red wine on my desk this morning?
See you tonight.
The two of us decided to throw a spur-of-the-moment parade and the next thing I know we're 4 miles down the road being followed by 65 drunk strangers
Not now. Out of camp chairs. Carving a new one with a chainsaw. Mushrooms are starting to kick and I gotta get this done NOW.
I'm stuck in a tree and request your assistance ASAP