My "High Times" magazine came in today, as well as my girlfriend's new sex toys. We're calling in sick today.
I just realized that "Hey girl, when you gonna let me tap that?" is in iambic pentameter. I'm going to write a poem...
after a month anything with tits is on the radar
I just got sparklers from my secret santa. Drunken sledding just got to a whole new level of dangerous
12 garbage cans filled with water, a beer can floating in every garbage can, 20 ft. apart and you shoot with dodge balls..and thats only how the night began
we hotboxed my bathroom. with nine people and two dogs.
You know, it doesn't really count as a walk of shame if you guys showered together the next morning
all i remember of last night is that i was drinking jameson and then NOTHING i do remember walking a dog though\nwhich is sooo fucking weird
OH MY GOD ITS COMING BACK I PUT THE DOG IN THE HOTTUB TOO
That girl next to you randomly said that she fits into a queen sized pillow case
Then again, I'm single and napping with a stuffed yoda doll...so I'm not the world's authority on shit.
Im at that shitty point in my day where I start planning night activities while finger dipping vyvance off of my desk, you got any plans?
He might not have any marketable talents, but the kid dry humps like no other.
He just asked me to be his girlfriend while having sex on his parents kitchen counter
I'm not gonna lie. I'm a little scared.
Good. The Jell-O shots look great.
I tried to avoid catching feelings but then he took me out to breakfast