Just heard someone use the phrase "slut mustard" in a sentence. Win.
It says i should accept HIV aids as my friend on facebook.We have 12 friends in common. I need new friends.
my affection for youporn is starting to get disturbing... i just thought about sending them a christmas card
I think she just stepped in a piece of mac and cheese, picked it off the bottom of her foot and ate it.
25 Porn Addicts Admit Their Biggest Pet Peeves
i am exhausted. it's been years. we both know his dick is small. the jig is up.
life is no where near the amusement park it was when I was on Vicodin.
fun fact of the day: the man setting up my checking account at my bank has thrown up on my front lawn.
My phone keeps autocorrecting to the "st. Natty's Day Parade" and I'm completely okay with that
Dude, did you fall in a toilet on the way over here?
Was face down in one actually. Bars 2, Drew 0.
These 23 People Walked In On Someone And Saw Some Crazy Sh*t
I'm going through our high school yearbook trying to find what boys I want to hook up with this summer. We graduated four years ago. That's a problem.
wow. there is a man who hates the post office more than me. he is causing a scene, this is a snapshot of elderly me.
I just gave parenting advice and had a discussion about the distribution of wealth in america...in a bar. I'm starting to think its me and not you lol
It's official. Those are now your come fuck me flipflops
You're a hot mess, you know that?
At least I'm a FUN hot mess. Like a train crash full of pizza, fireworks and glitter.
ED guy's penis finally worked last night. It was a Festivus miracle!