First thing she said after sex was.. are you baptised by chance?
he's super hid and wouldn't leave us alone so i snatched his phone and started texting lovelink (thanks for a well-timed commercial) that will cost him money. muhahaha
I thought he was joking about bailing you out until I saw the picture of you and the sheep in the morning paper. Were those my boots you had on it
I think being a buddhist has made me a better drunk
27 Of The Most NSFW Life Hacks
i was so fucked up i thought i was at home depot
this kid woke up on our hotel floor and doesnt know how he got here
on my way back.. me and that kid will be great friends
I woke up tied to the door handle with reindeer patterned socks. You can tell it's Christmas.
I made a Russian puke. I outdrank a Russian. I am unstoppable.
I just had the weirdest moment. Made eye contact at the bar with a girl who has seen my vagina.
23 Disturbing Small-Town Horror Stories
Super stoned right now. And I stared at my exit, thought to myself "hey self. That is your exit" and I kept driving right past it.
I do NOT want to date a man who has no interest in going to a kangaroo farm
they asked me about my neuroscience major and I said 'the brain is the outer space of the body' and passed out. it appears my ivy league education is not going to waste
When we were all out of beer you took a bite out of the cardboard beer box and said "close enough."
You should really look at your snapstory. It has us screaming " MANSION DICK! SUCK IT! FUCK IT!" By the way im currently in a mansion and need you to pick me up
he pulled my tampon string out with his teeth like a grenade pin yelling frag out! That's why I fuck guys back from deployment. They'll go the distance