ya ever know whats down there. always send some fingers in first to scout the situation. fingers are not used for pleasure. they're used for covert missions.
i love rice pilaf. whoever invented that i would give them a hug.
I typed "housewife" into monster.com's search engine....I got zero results...kinda bummed
you were leaning against the vending machine asking if there was a shower you could puke in.
Just so you know, I'm standing in my bra eating cereal. My keys were in the cereal box.
So i forgot that my head is completely wrapped in gauze, and tried to do the "come hither" look. He think's i'm brain damaged
He pulled a potato out of his bag in the library. A WHOLE FRIGGIN POTATO. He ate it like it was an apple and waved at the librarian as she stared at him.
Just did ten shots in 8.34 minutes........ Slowly getting over the loss
Headed to the bar now. If I smell faintly of latex and tuna, it's just the new scent I'm trying.
I came in your room, you looked at me and said "I fucked up" and then some kid showed up and took you to the hospital
I think I've just evolved into some kind of vodka fueled monster
You need to be full form and virile tomorrow so I can live vicariously through your rub and tug.
Where the hell did you pick this girl up? She just licked my cat and stole our last poptart.
I woke up with my phone plugged into an extension cord in my garage. No clue how I got home. Videos of me flogging my roommate with my set of keys telling him he's the worst roommate ever. And my mom woke me up at 8am asking how to make a DVD...Goddamnit first Friday.
Like either my tits got bigger or I've succumbed to Trumps tiny hand syndrome
Randomize
