This is so pathetic it makes me miss snorting lines alone in my room listening to 'one more drink'.
what customs doesn't know wont hurt them
What's the best way to say, "it's too early in our relationship to leave me at your place alone"? Steal something?
It's one of those mornings where you wake up and want to go to church for the first time in ten years. THAT shameful.
You wore a man's plastic top hat last night.
No I didn't. Whiskey did.
The reign of the rally queen is over. Welcome to the age of the walking dead.
That is NOT what pussyfooting around means. Try that again with your toe and I break it off.
it's just not right when you're boyfriend has a nicer ass than you do.
i convinced him to be a french maid for halloween. he has no idea what he's in for. i just ordered the breast forms.
the evidence suggests last night I either took a bath in beer or drank 18 beers while in the bath. either one sounds good to me. sad i don't remember it
Getting a blow job while breaking up with my gf helps cope with the pain... Kinda weird her best friend is giving me the BJ
Would it kill us to punctuate. That last text took me 5 min to read
was I atleast graceful when I feel down that flight of stairs and broke my hand?
You can be responsible and still be on that ho life
He was gone for 5 minutes, opened the car door and said, "Don't eat my shit." and dropped Chipotle on the passenger seat. He was gone for another 10 minutes and came back with Coldstone. That stoned.
Randomize
