Dude, I totally just put a lit lighter to my hand for 10 seconds
How much beer did you get for it?
One ice cold coors, but those mountains lied
Funny thing- my attraction to each one is inversely proportional to his level of availability.
A freshman just referred to Home Improvement as 'tim the tool man show'. People born after 1990 are not people.
I was to drunk to drive all the way up there, so we just had rough phone sex instead
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Last awkward moment of 2011: your ex gf grinding on me in front of her husband.
He fucked a girl named Oreo... He deserved syphilis.
Touche. Dude, I fastened garters. Drunk. I deserve a medal from a drag queen.
I spent half an hours grinding with a drunk Harry Potter cosplayer at the con rave. Pretty sure I felt his wand.
It wasn't your birthday, you weren't supposed to be the drunk one
When people keep buying you drinks at the bar because they like you, you can't say no to them
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Now, one of you come feed me, the other read me my physics book...I'm too hungover for this shit...
I accidentally left my shirt at my booty calls house. He washed it & hung it up for me in his closet. I can't decide if that's sweet or creepy
You are the best. Or certainly adequate for tempering my unholy desires.
That's the nicest thing you've ever said to me.
I'm now using my vagina for good, not evil. Trying to restore balance to the force.
So far 2 of my professors caught me looking at their dicks
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
Randomize