I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! Live in the flesh!
Someone left a shot of disaronno in a champagne glass here this morning... flip a coin?
I'm in the liquor aisle and a 10 yr old boy yells, "My favorite beer is Corona! Daddy remember when you gave me some on our camping trip?"
You tried to call "time out" during the sobriety test.
And there might be a gallon of sangria without the lid on the floor in your room. Just be careful when you open the door.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to concentrate on legal issues with the ghost of his giant penis in me?
Can we dedicate this weekends marathon sexcapades to all the haters?
I wanna die of smoke inhalation. In a huge teepee. Or one of those big things kids in kindergarten have that you throw up in the air then sit inside of.
I began mixing captain Morgan and jack daniels and called it captain jack sparrow. I puked. a lot.
It's ok. I will share any beautiful men that I drug and leave unconscious on my bed. I'm that kind of friend.
My Internet history has 23 searches for 24 hour cake. Self respect plummeting.
I tried getting kicked out of my favorite bar. No matter what I did, I could do no wrong
I just got St Patricks day and the day after St Patricks day off, wich I'm pretty sure is as close to a raise as I'll ever get.
I kept having to give myself encouraging advice like, "you know how a path works"
its like my accent is a device for a 100% chance of sex every time i leave the apartment. i love being english in this country.
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