It is pretty awful out and I still haven't put on pants yet.
Why is half of me covered in green stuff that won't come off?
You stripper-danced on a light pole in the quad. It had fresh paint on it.
Hey, go out with us like you promised. You're younger than us and should be able to handle your coke problem with grace.
Bonnaroo quote of the day: "why the fuck am i pregnant?!?!" - exclaimed loudly by random hippie.
idk if ive ever seen a picture of him on facebook with his pants on
Isn't that the only thing she's good at? Complaining and blow jobs?
Walking out of our apartment this morning to go to class, I saw a sticky note on the front door that said "get tested." The door was unlocked so did you bring some stranger back last night? I'm assuming you weren't referring to me...
I say we start a new tradition. I came up with it all by myself. It's called work out, lay out, black out
Are you coming to the bday night? i'll be doing a life-like reenactment of traveling through Bonnie's vaginal canal and taking my first breath of life. Don't think you'll want to miss it.
I can bring a slip n slide and curtains.
Look, if I'm too lazy to put any effort into sexting, you better believe I'm too lazy to put any effort into dating.
I think I ripped my underwear last night doing drunk squats
You threw up in your own shoe then wore it home
I can only get day drunk because of my medicine now, so... There's that
if i seriously got my dick up last night, then im taking him to disney world cause thats just fuckin impressive
Hypothetical question: Would it be wrong to tell the annoying children who don't listen to their parents that the motel is haunted?
Randomize
