I told him to come back in 5mins cause i needed to take a few more shots before i could talk to him
I was just texting to see if your vagina was working yet.
No, seriously, 1.5 gallons of sangria plus two days of untapped cock. Waiting here. For you.
That poor kid, I literally invited myself over and took advantage of him.
yea I'm sure he was really upset some drunk girl showed up to fuck him.
Do you have to put it that way?
I just dropped my cookie in my glass of milk and looked at it for ten minutes. Thanks for telling me you made weed cookies.
Some guy is walking around the bar with his dick out. Health code violation?
Alright fuck it. Alcoholic Jamie is back and here to stay.
Russell brand is gross. Everytime I see him I just wanna give him a bath. He's like a used condom.
I seem to have forgotten that I am wearing a one piece bathing suit under my clothes
Meanwhile I'm googling glory holes in Vegas
How does one un superglue their foot to the floor
I got hella high today and freaked out about life and interest rates
Please tell me I didn't send you a dick pic in the middle of Peter Pan..
I can't be a daydrinker without you. It just doesn't work.
I love you too.
Eventually the conversation shifted (as it always does) to Sex toys.
Randomize
