CONQUERED: Sean from next door. Just wanted to let you know ;)
How many people did you send this to?
Fyi mom and I voted and you're the DD tonight, congratulations
What's the appropriateness of putting a 50 cent lyric in my gmas eulogy?
1.) You left the rest of your whiskey here 2.) I drank your whiskey 3.) then made a steam roller out of the bottle 4.) Everything tastes like whiskey
You know you stopped at a liquor store to prepare for a 12-year-old's birthday party, right?
This is going to be another afternoon spent getting drunk in the shower, isn't it?
I just stole a cupcake from somebody's bottle service
And I got $4 when somebody made it rain.
I bet. I bought a surfboard and a kite and filled my camelback with vodka-tonics. Let's do this
Def something wrong w taking plan b with your daughters juice box
I wish I could remember her name, I mean we fucked and all, but it woulda been nice to tag her in the instagram pics.
It took 6 cruisers to bust the party last night. Cop asked if the theme was a beach party. I said I would fucking hope so with 8 tons of sand in the garage
Also, I called my liver hardcore in front of vet students last night and then wound up having three of them trying to palpate it. So...not saying that again.
Ya it was crazy the power went just as she was about orgasm and the vibrator got fried with the power surge
Just threw up mid-poop. I can't drink like I used to.
You told me not to tell you found out you're pregnant..
Randomize
