I just found a beer pong ball in my mail box. I think its a sign
I woke up and we were making out. So the good news is that after two years off the market, I haven't lost a step. I'm picking up girls in my sleep now.
one of the cashiers from Kroger is eating at my kitchen table and nobody knows why.
Tried to eat a chip. Mouth wouldn't cooperate. Nearly died. Wow I've missed this.
Desperately trying not to throw up over the side of the ferry back to CT. Can't be the first one of the season.
is it possible i asked you to give me a preliminary pap smear?
Last night: Repeatedly yelled about how the fishbowl tasted like blue, stole a stranger's hat, hugged the DJ for playing my request, made out with my roommate, and abandoned the guy I dragged to the club in the first place
This morning: Hat doesn't fit, hangover headache is blue, and I can't move without getting lightheaded
Listen when they tell you not to drink after giving blood
So fucking hammered. Is this all spelled right? I'm holding it up to my eye. I am on a boulder. I feel like an owl
I'm making him come over again tonight. I don't know how long this thing will last so I want to spend as much time with his dick as possible.
Shawn wouldn't stop singing about his cock on the ride home that night it freaked my girlfriend out how consistent he was
He stumbled in drunk at 7am, while we were getting ready for work. He poured a bowl of Cap'n Crunch, poured Jack Daniels on it., and said he was having "Captain Jack" for breakfast. I don't know how he's alive and employed. I hope the Cap'n calls in sick for him today.
I JUST LIKE FLANNEL, NOT VAGINAS! OK?
He kept sending me videos of his dogs while I was trying to masturbate. At what point does getting vagina-block apply?
I have a vagina. So i automatically win.
i don't think the phrases "so shitty" & "taking care of my newborn" should be combined in the same sentence. leave it to her to make it possible eh?
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