if i were to get pulled over right now, the only thing i would be guilty of is listening to 90's Mariah Carey
Someone just asked me to go to the dining hall for dinner and he will use one of his swipes to pay for my meal. i think this is a college version of a date
I now have an ENTIRE drawer of unused disposable silverware from Boston Market... and you guys said I needed to "buy" kitchen stuff
Come outside. The vendor wants to go out strong tonight! Russian hooker interviews. Don't ask. We leave in 3 minutes.
If I interpreted our horoscopes correctly...you should be coming home with an 8 ball. Just saying.
He's moaning and crying and coughing up something audibly liquid. I can't live in this house any more.
I ended up at home with a random bird sculpture and flowers
I finally got the glitter off in time to get to the party and bang the bday boy in the bathroom while his girlfriend was lighting the bday cake candles.
I cannot handle Xanax... I just turned my computer on and I googled how to work YouTube
i made out with his shirt. MDMA, man.
DESTROY DICK DECEMBER\nTHE SUN SHINES ON THE THIRSTY
I just took a shot before my midterm. Gotta keep things in perspective.
I was trying to get nudes from last night and ended up getting a family portrait!
One day I'm going to get tired of waking up and wondering where the glow sticks on the floor came from.
I got kicked out of the E.R. for saying "balls".
Randomize
