I had to get a ride home from that girl that slept with 3/4 of the band
McDonalds has hash browns for only a quarter!....how many u want?
All of them
The best part was her genuine shock and total "I didn't know" look when we said she couldn't cook a steak in a microwave.
She just did a bodyshot off herself. I don't care that it's only seven thirty, come pick her up.
yeah, but the first step is admitting you have a problem, the next step is kidnapping him
I don't know where I am and I feel like a hippo shat in my mouth. This sofa is comfy though.
Oh my god. He likes it up the butt. But loves womanly support. Omg. Its bad. Its bad. Ive had too much whiskey for this to be ANYthing except bad.
Seriously what kind of college town is this? Nobody parties during the week or abuses perscription drugs
Last night I made the hotel shuttle driver take me to Walgreens for birth control, and Pringles.
They were both high priority
Well, I got drunk and told my family about what I expected sexually after a good first date.
You know I base where I go on the likelihood of me getting laid there. This includes work.
Mike fell asleep with his hand down my pants. I'm clearly an enticing person.
Bootycalls can't go limp that's like against the law
Lmao. K I'll be 100% honest. I was over at your place like 12 hours ago with your roommate. If I hadn't of been there then I'd take you up on your booty call offer. So. If you're not creeped out another time please?
I have mystery bruises on my right knee, right arm, under my chin, and on my forehead. What the fuck happened last night??
Randomize
