so now that im really awake i see that my underwear are completely ripped down the side, my shorts are on backwards, i have to go get plan b....i call last night an epic fail or success depending on how catholic i am feeling
Put your dick on his face to wake him up, dont worry its fine.
I just looked at my iPhone gps history... "the gas station", "the park with a big scary fence", "the trampoline", and, my favorite, "where we were when we were about to do lines off a bible".
Turns out shot glasses hold the perfect serving of sour patch kids....I still fail to see how not having any real glasses is an issue
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He offered me a 30 pack if I don't bring her to the party. Am I a bad friend If I take his offer?
I can taunt you with whatever I want. Like batman and sex.
god. I was just thinkin about the fact that there was a time in our life when we didn't drink.
PLEASE. I won't throw up on the floor this time. Or fuck in the bathroom. Or dance on the pool table. So PLEASE.
I'm sure you can think of a way to make money.. God didn't give you boobs that awesome to waste them feeding your children..
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It's not a real holiday until someone pees on you. Did someone pee on you?
Boise Idaho, where you have a one night stand with someone from your town 3 states away and run into them the day you return...
He sent me nudes and then a text asking if I tried the new Cantina Bowl from Taco Bell. He sure does romance right, doesn't he?
bought even stevens on dvd and enough weed and pizza bagels to last us a week.. ready to get snowed in?
My fridge door just caught on fire somehow.
Nothing to be ashamed of. I bet Oprah has sharted.
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