At CVS buying just condoms. The guy behind me is buying just hotdog buns. There was a silent moment of understanding between us.
Don't tell me wow. Tell me this is normal for college and in no way am I a whore.
I just dumped out my gym water bottle and filled it with white wine. This is the end.
I decided to buy a keg of Miller Lite instead of paying the electric bill. Just thought I'd give you a heads up...
I was tripping so hard I was disappointed when I pulled back the shower curtain and shrek wasn't standing there
If I die young bury me in satin. And make sure there's a taco bar at my funeral.
Forgot to tell you--the bartender at Crowbar set his arm on fire last night. He was doing this "Cocktail" bartender trick of pouring alcohol that was on fire between glasses. Then some leaked out, onto his arm, and set his arm on fire, then his shirt. Exciting! (And he's ok).
This isn't a because its valentines day booty call, it's a because your cock is phenomenal booty call that happens to be on valentines day..
Master Skywalker, there are too many of them. What am I going to do?
Hit on the one in the red shorts. The thirst is strong with this one.
she has that "i will punish you like your mom did" vibe, i think guys like that.
He stopped in the middle of us banging in order to check in for his Southwest flight.
is it bad that there is a girl in my bed right now and the only thing i can think about is the fect that its after 3am which means i cant order jimmyjohns unitll tomorrow?
I'm gonna ask his dad. Weed trumps broken heart any day.
She yelled Carpe Diem when she orgasmed. Is it too early to marry her?
Her pegging playlist is all heavy metal so stay away if you wanna keep your ass intact
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