I hate ducks.
What?
they're sketch. like squirrels. squirrels are sketch as fuck.
Dude, can't find my socks anywhere....
Yeah, you took a shit in the harbor off a wall, used them to wipe. I'm sure they're still on the beach somewhere if you really want them back
the way i see it, im about one adderall binge away from graduating
...oh my god that's like anal suicide
I'm aware. I'm writing the eulogy for my colon as we speak.
Drinks appeared in front of me. Who am I to deny destiny? And by destiny, I mean free drinks, which appear by magic.
Our room will be decorated with my urine.
Do you know what your brother wants for his birthday?
Yeah he said he wants a decent blowjob for a change.
.......
I'm just looking out for you.
I had to ask. I mean when you get a snap chat of a nipple you have to ask who's it is.
i don't know if this is a cannibal joke or a sexual innuendo, and i think that's a beautiful description of our relationship.
Don't act like you're a victim to marijuana
All I've had to eat today are potatoes...and by that I mean vodka and chips
falling asleep on a hardwood floor changes a person
I made him leave to get me chicken nuggets so I could have sex with his roommate
idk how many shots you took between 2:39 and 3:05, but your message went from "Please text me tomorrow." to "Why you sto textom?"
Ohhhhhh, that night......I need to stop drinking, almost all of my conversations that take place Wed thru Sun after 8:30 are one blurry haze.
Randomize
