that's why i date skinny girls, they don't realize how small it is.
its raining. im dressed as yoda and im trick or treating alone. and i wonder why im still a virgin..
just heard this guy tell a story about how he got boat head. i want his life
Just so everyone's clear, it was already on fire when I got there.
So I think before Superbowl weekend begins we should all take a look back on last year and learn from our pitfalls... AKA no touchdown shots and kitchen crying.
I complimented him on his choice of carpeting while he was humping me.
Well I talked to some Canadians today, and I'm keeping a vigilant watch for sharks, so I'm pretty booked up.
Why can't people give useful wedding gifts...like sex swings or Nutella?
I can't handle dick pics with conversational captions
You told me you were with a dog dressed as a taco, and it was the only one you trusted
He walked in on me banging his sister and said "you're both old enough to make you own decisions. Carry on"
I wouldn't marry anyone who wouldn't symbolically fuck a doughnut with a sausage though.
Another guy on Tinder just asked about "the hotter girl" in my pictures. I fucking hate being your friend.
I hate when I wake up and find my vibrator next to me. Such a waste of an orgasm...getting myself off in my sleep and not remembering
Bleach your asshole, I'm on my way.
Who is this?!?!
Randomize
