I wanted to tell him he wasn't actually in me, but my god, awkward?
We were doing it doggy style, and I puked on the floor and started crying, he told me it was okay his cat would eat it... and if it would make me feel better we could do anal...
And they lived happily ever after....
My morning has consisted of lying in a fetal position, eating a whole tub of ben and jerry's, talking to my cat, and setting all of our pictures on fire. Does that answer your question?
she was stuffing dove chocolates in my mouth while giving me a blow job. GOD I LOVE VALENTINES DAY
She licked EVERYTHING then yelled at me in Spanish. I just kept saying SI.
I'm pretty sure I'm the first person in the history of this college to rollerblade their walk of shame.
I don't think the TSA would be too happy. Who knows if three ounces of lube will be enough for us?
If I had a dollar for every straight boy that questioned their sexuality because of me, I would live a comfortable middle-class life.
WTF? Why is there a pic of my tits in ur dad's office?
Nothing says "First Single Holidays" quite like getting baked with the guy that took your virginity four years ago.
Yes. I masterbate to Harry Potter. It's what our generation does.
I can feel the shame as I walk down your hallway.. good night
You chugged Absolut from a beer bong. Why WOULDN'T you be a champion?
He picked me up in Smart Car with the license plate “MYWHIP.” I think my ovaries shriveled up and died.
that's the second time my extensive knowledge of taylor swift has gotten me laid
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