I tried to give up sex for lent. It feels weird that on easter I'm this excited to be a whore again
Dude that chick had her name tattooed in Japanese characters between her b-cups. I kept calling her Toyota.
He just turned on a sound machine. I need to get the fuck out of here.
I'll see ya tonight at your house...and I'm bringing you a special treat that starts with a V and ends with us eventually going to rehab one day.
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I need to figure out how to tell my doctor that I don't want to fix my possible fertility problems until AFTER I'm done whoring around in my 20s.
I tried to tell her I've only slept with 3 other people...she then named off 5 of her sorority sisters I fucked and asked me if she should continue
Two word: claymation porn. Think about it.
I don't think I can ever express my appreciation for the things you text me.
Do I not have a Brazilian bc of my boyfriend situation or do I not have a boyfriend bc of my brazilian situation?
They're having lesbian sex while I play super mario world. I hope they like the music
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Nevermind, there are three drinks waiting at the bar for me. I cannot disappoint this alcohol.
Two really nice girls helped clean the taco out of my hair.
We had to go. She called the bartender a thundercunt.
ok so i took my anxiety medication and i'm eating junior mints and i think my vagina will be ok
It's only 10am and I doubt my day could get much worse. During my 9am meeting I had to sit between my boss who I fucked for my promotion and the guy he walked in on me fucking on the copier
He's got a big dick, a steady job and tells me I'm pretty. There is litterally nothing else I look for I a guy.
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