you fell asleep during kickboxing this morning
how does that even happen??
Not sure why I sent you a picture of a black bear last night but it seemed like a good idea at the time.
He just asked for the blowjob I promised him 3 years ago that he'd get the next time Michigan beat Ohio State. Goddamnit.
Apparently I walked up to him, mumbled something incoherently, then started to make out with him. Why does this always happen.
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If i ever have a kid with an outie i'm giving it up for adoption
Post-shopping-cart-scooter-jousting victory fuck?
We found him in the neighbors shed using a bicycle as a blanket. We just left him there.
Who wouldn't want a man who can knock a guy out but also loves the bachelor.
It's the best of both worlds
Do you want the fat one with an ok face or the skinny ugly one?
It doesn't matter as long as our shame is in tandem.
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I hope you get your threesome on vday. I'll probably get flowers and a candlelit dinner. trade you. I wish this guy was more of a slut and had less of a heart. I would like 2 dicks please fuck your flowers!
Sometimes you have a glimmer of a heart and then I immediately remember you are dead inside.
So yeah, turns out I enjoy vaguely public group sex. Who knew?
So the tow truck driver didn't charge us because Ian convinced him that he was sent out by God to share his cocaine with us.
Today I learned that I have a bigger dick than Draymond Green
It's the Ides of March, motherfucker. That means we're supposed to daydrink, right?
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