remember when mike pissed in his pants and then put a double cheeburger in the pocketsss of said wet pants for "safe keeping"? yea drunker then that.
he told me he saved a turtle in the middle of the road.. i told him id be over in ten minutes...i mean he deserves a bj after that.
He's the equivalent of a body pillow and a dildo. But still funny. We have good pillow talk.
I don't remember her missing an ear while we were at the bar
I fatbooth all their pics then decide which one is the cutest even if they gained like 400 lbs and then proceed to fuck him.
Sorry if I put you in that 'glad we're hanging out but I'm gonna go fuck your cousin' kind of position
nope. It turned out i wasnt the drunkest person asleep in tacobell parking lot.
My uterus feels like it went 8 rounds with Mike Tyson. And that was only a quickie.
did I ever tell you about my gay jesus theory?
Appreciate the offer but I'm a huge fan of penis
its like my accent is a device for a 100% chance of sex every time i leave the apartment. i love being english in this country.
Throwing up while listening to NPR because I’m trying to adult through this hangover
Seeing someone hit Themselves in the balls with someone else's hand is amazing. I love being the sober one
No. I don't like you. I like your penis. Chin up. At least I like part of you.
Just shaved my balls on a moving train. By far the most dangerous stunt I've ever pulled
Randomize
