i opened her purse and found 4 bottles of vodka tampons and an unopened box of birth control...
he used a semicolon in his bootycall text, of course he's not gonna go down on me.
The best thing he's ever done for me was comment on my profile picture saying "hello boner"
When they saw it was the 7th inning of the baseball game one took off running for the beer stand while his friend is yelling "BUY THE KEG"!
The doctor asked me what height I fell from to hurt my back.. I answered keg height
Its only fair we share our golden vaginas with the world. It would be selfish if we didn't.
I don't even know what beauty is right now. I wouldn't even pity fuck me today.
I no longer see him as a simple set of male genitalia attached to a very sexy body. The title "trophy fuck" seems wrong. Damn.
Just had hot animal sex with the guy who had been sending me 10 second selfie snapchats for the past month
I'm just waiting for the avalanche of beef.
i have my bailey's and coffee which lasts me until lunch, at which time its appropriate for me to bring a vodka and OJ mix for the afternoon. This university thing is grrreat
We just saw two bitche in pink capris jazzercising down the road. On Thanksgiving.
You weren't stupid you just made an ass of yourself. It's called a birthday party. That's code for night of regrets.
I really hope this is just a phase, because I am not capable of carrying both of our drunken whore asses through life. Too much dead weight....
on one hand I spent like $120 last night..on the other that was the best sex of my life
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