Your an asshole
Actually, it's "you're an asshole"
My point exactly
thought so. i woke up and he was playing with my eyeliner. I MAKE GREAT CHOICES.
this party is like a fast-foward into the future when im 40 and married with children
I love how understanding people are when they hear we first hooked up getting high and watching nature shows
The lesbians are drunkenly meowing in the hallway again. This is the shit I'll miss at home.
Just heard this lady walk by on her phone saying "did everyone orgasm?"
wanna get hammered and throw tomatoes at the people standing in line for the midnight showing of harry potter and yell whichcraft is evil
Why is there a water bottle full of red wine on my desk this morning?
See you tonight.
Dude. When are you coming home? I'm laying in bed watching the Grinch and trying to pet a cat that I'm not even sure exists.
My boyfriend sold my favorite shoes right off my fucking feet last night outside the bar. It might have played a part in our breakup today.
Almost to my house to grab beer. And pants.
Apparently chalking everything I've done these past 48 hours to the fact that it was homecoming, is like a "get out of jail free" card.
Now I don't feel like I'm sweating cheeseburger all the time.
First night of sleeping in the same bed, and she farted on me. I immediately excused myself and went home. Don't know if we're still together. Will update you.
I know you would. And one day, we'll have a moment where i'll verbally assault a stranger for you.
Randomize
