I left my keys in the garlic bread freezer in Publix.
ya know if you hadnt broke up with me, that porno we made wouldnt have a 3.3 rating on youporn right now...
So, I'm pretty sure I just jacked off and my gf 17 m/o son caught me. IDK how long he was standing in the crib, but he definately saw the grand finale.
Just had a flash back. Pretty sure i ate toilet paper last night.
My lab manual has instructions for making home wine. Room project?
I paid some man $10 for his shirt last night cause I liked it. Explains that. Bought the jackolope head from a street vendor. Got invited to someone's hotel rooftop swimming pool which explains why I was in my bathing suit. My clothes from last night are MIA. Going over the border with no pants on is awkward. Origins of the car rim still mysterious.
You are NEVER going to guess whose penis was JUST in my mouth!!!
I'll give you a hint, we ate paste with him in kindergarten.
You pretty much isn't said it
Those words don't go together.
If you were awake I would probably ride my bike over, fuck you like a god, leave you in the wonders of life, and bike home
Okay. How did someone manage to piss on TOP of a urinal? What giant is roaming around with a prick five feet from the ground?
You are a special snowflake. A special snowflake I wouldn't mind rough sex with
Rule #61 of being a lady: never get fingered by a finger with a knuckle tattoo
it's gotten to the point where I just look in my closet, think, "which article of clothing behaves most like a towel?" and then just go with that
I don't know what you're doing this morning, but obtaining Plan B is my number-one priority.
It's become almost a Pavlovian response. The sound of the vacuum being run by hubby causes an instantaneous involuntary orgasm.
Randomize
