How's your Sunday morning ritual of shitting and throwing up at the same time going?
My sheets, bed, and bathroom are covered in blood. She needed 14 stitches after a trip to ER. This is the last white girl I ever hookup with.
she wrote "need hug!" on a sticky note, put it on her back, and passed out on his bed. they're trying to figure out how she got into his room...
when she asked where we met, i said the liquor store. the next words out of moms mouth? 'oh that's real promising molly'
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did anyone else see me puking into my coat sleeve?
She offered to massage my back by hitting it with a sparkly purple double dildo... Bi chicks can get creepy
I'm promising sexual favors in return for his responsible life decisions. Now THIS is growing up.
Btw...I puked in my hand last night and threw it on the floor. Don't let me do tequila ever again.
This breakup hit defcon 5. Walked to pathmark with a denim jacket over my nightgown to get ben and jerrys. On sale btw.
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And that facial hair. He might as well shave it so it spells "douche" on one cheek and "nozzle" on the other.
I panicked i brought burritos. Funeral burritos
I'm really going to need you to stop yelling Campari.
This fucking storm better not ruin my sex plans this weekend
You peed in the sink and kept shouting "I'm the black swan! Ca-caw!"
Our faces when the strip club was closed looked like the grinch just stole Christmas ☹️
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