I hope my future cuntsucker is that tight
I would like to be the first to explain to you that if you've woken up with bruised knuckles this morning, it's because last night you tried climbing out of our car window and into the drive through window at maccas. The cashier chick freaked out and slammed the window on you and beat you around the head with her headset thingy.
Shittttttt.
Be not ashamed. It was youtube-worthy.
And I wrote a rap so it was actually a productive afternoon minus not paying our bills.
I even made an effort to dress like a conservative young lady who doesnt black out and throw up in her bed regularly today.
If a man's penis is referred to as "the family jewels" does that make a woman's vagina a jewelry box?
like we started out all organized and composed and within thirty mins people were throwing up in the bushes, arguing over a beer bong and jumping in the pool with their clothes on
Afterwards she kept poking it and saying "it looks so sad and small" I dont know if I wanted to reach this state in our relationship...
I don't know if you remember, but I was only wearing an afghan.
You really need to get over the whole "jail" thing. Its really not that bad.
I feel like I need to get a restraining order against him but I'd probably be the one to break it.
Would you like to partake in getting high as fuck with your best friend and then proceeding to cry over the shit head guys we deal with?
I just googled: how soon can I pee on a stick. What is my life coming to.
Hi please disregard the last text and if you'd like our entire interaction
Done
Is it tacky to frame a negative pregnancy test?
He lasted less than 30 sec. in bed and then sent me a friend request on LinkedIn. Wtf.
Randomize
