I know, he also has a fancy car to make up for his tiny penis
I sk at the spereo and my dad gave me and all access pass
what???
AN ALL ACCESS PASSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSS
I'm taking a dump and eating a fortune cookie and it said "Force it to be successful"
Do I need to let your sister outside to go pee or anything before I leave?
I think god was stupid personally. The clit should be inside the vagina. Idiot.
remind me not to puke in the mesh trash can tonight
Is there a card that says "Sorry I got drunk at your Christmas party and tried to steal your monogrammed hand towels so that I could give you something nice for Christmas"?
So. How about you can get tequila certified...
No. I just want to cuddle and talk about our feeling. Of course this a booty call.
This day sucks. I just wanna play ostrich and bury my head in your boobs.
That's a good 5 hours of "I have no fucking idea what I did".
I planned to shave today but it's Friday the 13th I might cut something
Have you ever given your heart and soul to someone and they turn out to be nothing but a great fuck that makes a mean grilled cheese because same
Accidentally drunk dialed my mom last night. Started the conversation with "Where you at girl?"
My dad told me that my grandparents are giving me $20,000 and my actual response was "do you know how many kittens I could buy with that?!?"
Randomize
