i think 'regret' was last night's theme. i could taste it in my mouth and woke up next to it.
You can call me Bill Clinton. I brought 2 good looking Asians home last night.
Apparently I fed my Plan B to my turtle last night.
Right now I can't do anything that will ban me from donating plasma. That is a legit source of income for me.
Holy christ fuck what has my trainwreck of a life come to just blew a 17 year old so help me god
fun fact #6 about tuesday nights: giving head with two 40s taped to your hands is not as easy as you would think
Admit it. It's a brilliant plan with hundreds of possible repercutions.
Understatement of the year.
There are more dirty dishes in my bed then in the kitchen. Have I lost at life?
He said he actually "met" me for the first time through a picture his housemate had of me, drunk and passed out in a pool of my own vomit, on the floor of his basement.
I think were only still together so we can make each other miserable
Why the HOLY HELL is my dog on my roof??? Sam?? Why is the dog wearing my pants
i'm so glad to be in bed i'd like to thank the acadermy
Because I chose to live vicariously through your uterus and you're letting me down right now.
Remember when you brought a guy home from the bar... to our parents house.... on thanksgiving eve?
HE IS. YOU SHOULD TOUCH HIS BACK.
IT IS A COURTSHIP RITUAL.
THE MUTUAL BUTT TOUCH IS SACRED.
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