he keeps dipping things in ranch and feeding them to me
So did the night end well for you?
I stole a traffic cone and drunk texted my sister because i couldn't think of any other girl to text
Do fat girls normaly have fat that look like a penis by their pussy?
What the hell did you do last night?!
new hobby: convincing random sorority girls around campus that we hooked up last weekend. i'm 2 for 5.
Just threw up in my seat during the national anthem. Probably not good.
The only thing worse than being arrested is the fact the cop confiscated my green dinosaur costume.
Yay for living on the edge. I'm trying this new thing where I stop mom-arming people and promote bad decisions. It's working quite well.
If I had really thought it through, I would have bought some Depends, popped one on and made this night my bitch.
So I guess I bought a cat last night. Fuuuccckkk.
I don't think it counts as a booty call at 6:30 pm.
Excuse me while I take my birth control pill for today to prevent getting pregnant from hearing about your sex life
He was standing in the living room wearing a Donald Trump wig and looking very disappointed
I taught three men with PhDs how to make a gravity bong last night. I love academia.
I had no plans to sleep with him, but he had to stay because of the snow. I always say, don't look a gift storm in the mouth.
I don't know if it was the movie or the drugs but after i watched it i wore the same spongebob shirt to school for two weeks and stopped showering
Randomize
