dude why did you let me call her?!
i told you it was a bad idea and to quote you exactly, you said "no, it's a good idea..that's what people do when they love each other." you met her 15 minutes prior to that conversation...
I want to be a jewelry store heckler. "Hey man, is she really worth it"
i just carried on a conversation with my mother from another room mid-ejaculation. you would have done the same
Would you still love me if I had no teeth
Yeah why?
Cuz i woke up this morning and a few are gone
she said she'd blow me if I bought one of her sorority raffle tickets. Goddamn it's gettin easy
Just got done reading an 11 page essay for class. Took me three fucking days and the only thing I have highlighted is the name "Alexander Cockburn"
I just called my cat a slut and she responded. Proudest moment ever.
When you hit the 45 minute mark of any argument about The Flintstones, you have to realize: it's no longer you arguing, it's the cocaine arguing.
She said she wants to move in with me. Time to black out and act as if we never had this conversation.
How are you a firefighter? People actually trust you with their lives??
I'm drunk off vodka and I haven't eaten today. I've never felt more like Kirsten Cohen in my life.
Because Kyle had a tattoo kit at his house and I wanted one and all he could draw was a mustache or a stickman on fire
Ps we ordered a pizza at the pool today and I dropped the entire thing in the pool. We still ate it. #canthang
How'd things go with that guy last night?
He threw up in the consol in my car then started crying about his ex girlfriend.
Nothing says hangover like being in the doctors office getting a tampon removed from deep inside
How's the party?
I'm watching two people get flogged. Sothere's that.
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