By the way, shout wipes are a gift from god for people that throw up on themselves.
Fun fact of the day the average american will consume 13248 beers in their lifetime.
So for us it's double that?
Precisely.
It was like a little tadpole swimming in the big ocean.
Houston, we have a problem
where are u?
Houston. That's the problem. I don't know how I got here.
Just because he's a soilder doesn't mean his dick is a hero.
I swear every time I make the effort to make my hair look nice, someone jizzes in it.
you kind of just crawled on top of him. that was the point at which i became concerned with how drunk you were.
I wanna get "leaving my dick in charge" drunk.
Realized we were outta oj used gerber graduates mixed fruit juice as a mixer. Mother of the Year award right here
The original plan involved fireworks and a lot more dildos but the new one is still okay.
We met some guy at the beach, and dug a hole with him. He invited us to "come back at night and smoke a blunt in this hole"
I told my manager that I would be coming in to work either high from edibles on purpose or tripping on acid by accident so he knows to check my work tomorrow.
Our lives are a motherfucking joke
so my dads pretending to use the snow blower and theres absolutley no snow one the ground.... someone should really lock our liqour cabinet
i just wanted have a romantic star gaze moment with him. untill he let out a massive fart.
Randomize
