You need Jesus like Tony Danza needs another hit show.
I apologize in advance for attempting to drunkenly hookup with your sister
just got booed by the entire restaurant.
How could you give up sex for lent? I gave up religion for lent years ago and never looked back. Or give up civility, not sex.
Okay. We're coming naked. We need Saran wrap and plastic forks.
I woke up to a shot of jager next to my face. I felt bad for it so i drank it
You woke me up at 2 am to tell me I could pee in a golf club if I wanted to.
I feel like our lives always have been and always will be a never ending drunken rampage full of pregnancy scares and lost brain cells
Maybe you need to change your pickup move. The "hey check these out" titty flash gets you the wrong kinda man.
you texted him "it's time for the no pants dance", please get your tubes tied.
All I know is I was bleeding, she was bleeding, we stole someone's Lucky Charms, and then I made you guys order a pizza
You have a husband. I have a bag full of electronics. This, is the single life.
You told everyone to shut up then told the officer that you are 21 when you drink.
Drunk and bowling. Only good things can come of this
dad says come back and get the lawn mower out of the pool before mom gets home
Randomize
