i saw his dick when we were four, so thats kind of ruined for me now
He asked if I wanted to leave my bra on while we were doing it from behind bc he read somewhere that all that pounding can be painful for big breasts. THAT thoughtful.
Just read my long term horoscope. I'm not gonna get laid for another 2 years.
Something about getting head on stairs. I don't know.
It's a gift. Kind of like morning wood in my brain.
My name in their phones is "That Girl". If i can't get it to go away, I might as well live up to it.
So I vote that we skip the bowling and just go straight to destroying our livers.
He snapchatted me his dick and he's circumcised....BRB going to hug his Mom
it was also funny because at one point I woke up with my hands tied with a belt and we were both like what the fuck
The moment I was petting the giraffe was the moment I passed out
I also told the bartender he probably had a beautiful spleen
I got a lap dance last night from a girl while I was wearing a Captian America onsie. My life does not suck.
There is a guy down by the river wearing a zebra print speedo and a sombrero, with a beer in each hand, screaming "This is America bitches!"
ill give you some hints: blood, carnival, fog machine, happy meal.
its 4am. iam sitting in the luggage car of the train eating beef jerkey. i feel like a hobo.
dont insult. no hobo is as pathetic as you.
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