have you facebook stalked him yet?
No, I don’t know his last name...
Just google his license plate numb
He made sure to throw up on the Mexico side of the border while we were in line at the check point. Then finished by screaming you an have it back. You can have it all back.
This is so pathetic it makes me miss snorting lines alone in my room listening to 'one more drink'.
Her thighs are so strong. I thought my head was gonna get crushed when I was eating her out
He came to my house drunk at two a.m., got in the hot tub, refused to get out until he smoked a blunt, and said "That's what brothers and sisters are for."
I just saw a fat chick ask the bartender to top her corona off with grenandine cuz she has a "sweet tooth" no that's diabetes fatty
and after i failed the breathalyzer i said to the cop "i've never been very good at tests"....
SURVIVAL MODE. WE CAN DO THIS. Celebratory survived-working-christmas-retail sex to follow
He kept telling me Te Amo last night. Over and over. And that he was scared. Drunkenly. In Spanish.
He managed to find a wheel chair and a super mario hat, now hes rolling around screaming "real life mario kart!"
I don't know whether to be insulted or flattered that I am being propositioned to have a threesome only if I wear my cat onesie
It's going to turn into you and me throwing down in a devastating lip-synch battle while everyone else stands around awkwardly.
I want you to worship my cock.
That's not how you start a conversation.
I texted him: “Come over for the Super Bowl. I promise lots of scoring.”
My divorce is turning into a porn script
eveytime i go to his house my cute clothes always get taken off what's the point of even wearing them there?
Randomize
