I can text with my tongue
just got a hand job during a movie in class today is gonna be great!
Hey man, did I leave the bottom drawer to my refrigerator that I had beer in at your house by any chance?
I bought a police grade breathalyzer on ebay at 4:37 am. At least I'm a responsible drunk.
I know I should be focused on nurturing their bright little minds but it's 10 a.m. and I need a cock in my mouth
I just bought the ATT family protection plan so that I could block all of my old bar hookups from booty calling me...
I'll be listening to "I will always love you" and sobbing uncontrollably all night, care to join?
Haha, oh man. I'm awake now. Slept in my headdress.
And really all I wanted was to be like "hey can I borrow your dick for a few hours this weekend?"
guys with girlfriends don't have a leg to stand on when they get mad at you for fucking other guys
Dude! We had to write our address on your arm in permanent marker so you wouldn't get lost. You just showed the cabbie your arm and he drove you! Nice guy.
I think the reason she hasn't text me back is because I spanked her ass with Hulk Hands
Look, if a guy shows up at your house. He's short, name is Logan, has weird vertical hair, let him in, give him food, and a place to stay. He's on a ver important mission. And I am he. as he is me and we are all together. And we are the eggman, goo goo gajoob.
So my furniture is upside-down, two lamps are glued to the ceiling, and there is a kitten sleeping on Kyle's face. Please tell me what happened last night....
There will be bowls smoken and not a single fuck will be given.
Randomize
