my penis was classy and tasteful, i don't know what her problem was.
So he passed out in the bathroom of the bar, woke up thinking he was somewhere else and called her flipping his shit because he thought she left him. She had to go into the men's bathroom to find him, and then he told her she was "trying too hard to be his girlfriend" over and over again.
Dont they live together now? Havent they been together for like two years?
Yeah. That's the best part. I always thought he was kind of a pussy but turns out he's a degenerate just like us. Welcome
Is there a "Plan B" app for my iphone?
took out my tampon, fucked him, and put a new one back in all before he realized I was on my period. beat that one bitch.
you know that saying beer then liquer makes you sicker, it should be beer then pickles makes you throw up alot, everywhere.
Drunk sex destroyed my coffee table... ikea this weekend?
I don't understand but I fell asleep naked holding a tub of cool whip and a boiled egg
Apparently she got a minor consumption for using vodka soak tapmons
Does that work!! Please say yes
Yes, you can 69 in a fiat. But I think I have permanent nerve damage
I threw all my money on the ground and said it was for homeless people and fell down the stairs
This is the beginning of the end. Testicle Tuesdays and free ball Friday are going to scar people for life
Dude that picute of your balls will haunt my nightmares
My mom just busted me rolling a blunt on her bathroom counter. ...all she said was fuck it it's Christmas
I always knew I would be boring and die in an Uber.
Dude. why do I feel like I am cheating on you every time I do shrooms?
I think we might need a safe word for this...
Randomize
