Help i just walked in on mom blowing dad
I love being friends with rich people. I get laid by association.
just stared at ed norton's ass for 26 miles. if there was ever an incentive to run a marathon, that was it. my life is perfect.
They're sharing a mixed drink at a bar with straws...its like a disney movie with booze
No, you dont understand, he literately fucked me into a new hairstyle, quite nice too.
I think you blew it when you asked her "Do you look good naked too, Or is it just the bra?"
Its not even 10am and we are talking about what guys assholes we would finger.
Just lifeguarded a kid's party hungover so I could afford to go out drinking tonight. Circle of life shit goin on here.
Dude, please wake him up, there are pills all over the floor and hes the only one who knows which ones to take simultaneously.
Is cereal technically a soup?
Fuck, I'm high.
And regarding bottomless mimosas stopping at 1 pm, there was a chick who drove her car into the back of the bar. Blame that bitch, not you peeing in the koi pond.
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
I or someone else dumped a lot of glitter into my boobs last night.
I'm assuming you were here at some stage because I woke up alone, clean and in a towel with mum asking my why my shoes, dress and jewellery were in the bottom of the shower.
It baffles me why I still wear white underwear...
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