i've come to the conclusion that there is no classy way to apply chloroseptic spray to your butthole.
Threesome last night. Not that cool, you tend to pick a favorite.
it was my 21st birthday. took an old mans walker so i could stay till last call. reasonable right?
Let's put it this way, it's 9am and that box of wine looks like the cure
I haven't shaved in at least a week, he said "obviously neither one of us was prepared for this"
I need a leash, or some shame. Maybe.
just filed my taxes drunk as balls. i may be going to jail.
My god. His mom just smacked my ass. Does this mean I'm accepted??
The sense of comroderie I've built with my liver over the course of this semester is beautiful
Jusy read on a science page that squeezing boobs can prevent cancer cells from forming in them, youre welcome.
Two drag queens are fighting over me. And yet the night is still getting weirder
The bend and snap? 98% success rate of getting attention. When used appropriately, it has an 83% rate of return on a dinner invitation.
You are the jesus of drinking
Why does fireball set life on fire? Your insides, your head, your behavior...
I just kept hitting the drum to get thru the crowd to the bar. Surprisingly it worked
Randomize
