thanks for house sitting, cat must be hiding again... everything go ok?
... about that ...
if you don't open the door right now liz is going to get pregnant
Dude im not sure whos apartment i woke up in but i just showered here and their shampoo in phenomenal
he knocked over the vodka and juice...picks up the cup and says "yes", takes the last sip...doesnt even worry about the mess all over the floor and we continue having sex.
Well, I was going to ask you what happened to all my lipstick. Until I saw the giant red penis on my living room wall.
I think it's safe to say me, swords and vodka can never be aloud in the same room again.
I woke up naked in my bathtub at 5:30 this morning. There's legit a spray tan body print of me in the fetal position in my tub.
He kept falling asleep with the pizza in his hand. I woke him up and told him and he was shocked because he thought he ate it all. Then he would end up falling asleep and we'd repeat the whole process again.
We fucked then made friendship bracelets, his mother taught him right!
She pulled up to the bar in a limo, wasted, and alone. Gets out, shrugs and slurs "I couldn't find a cab" and proceeds to take a shot.
I'm in love.
Option 1: fuck me and bedtime. Option 2: come fuck me and then hangout with everyone. Option 3: don't fuck me in which case fuck you.
you know it's been too long when the heat of a pizza box on your lap turns you on.
and then you called me a third time and yelled that you were stealing a puppy named Willow
Guess who's the proud owner of her very own foxtail butt plug!!
Many a woman has been in tears over the passing of my penis' whorish ways.
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