someone is gonna have my baby tonight. they just dont know it yet
I'll alert the authorities
I'm watching i used to be fat. I've been doing crunches for the last half hour yelling at the slut on tv to stop crying and do crunches.
Oh btw I took the eighth out of the plastic wrap so I could use it to wrap my red pepper. This can be seen as either pathetic or resourceful.
After throwing up, the toothpaste tasted so good. Thank you for not letting me eat it.
Like what kind of adult things? Whats more adult than drinking at 2pm on a monday?
Did you sleep with Connor? And who undressed me? There's a picture of two guys peeing out my bedroom window. What happened?
Having the sex-a-thon in the back yard led to some really odd tan lines.
Like handprints on my lower back...
Nvm, he just almost drank his drink from last night, his drink that has the condom in it. Kinda answers my question.
She told me that for every Ravens touchdown, I'd get to come once.
Marry her. Marry her now. I'll help you steal the ring.
I have an erection and I'm about to go through airport security.
You told me I couldn't make out with you until I added you on LinkedIn
I woke up this morning wearing his boxers as a shirt
He obv doesn't know that telling a woman to chill will get him murdered
I get so sad when I watch him slowly destroy his life with whiskey and cocaine. Then he bites my neck and I just want to fuck him. I can't help it.
A fire alarm is going off in some building, people are running around naked and people are passed out in the MIDDLE of the sidewalk. If they ban parties again, I'm going to be pissed.
Randomize
